FAO: Martwisely

[Chewy102]

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in

Oxford:

 

 

 

Dear Mrs. Murray,

 

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty

card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and

your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

 

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our

surveillance cameras:

 

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's

trolleys when they weren't looking.

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

intervals.

 

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine

products aisle.

 

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,

"Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

 

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and

told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a

Calor gas stove.

 

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,he

began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

 

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a

mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

 

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the

Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the

antidepressants were.

 

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the

"Mission Impossible" theme.

 

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look"

using different size funnels.

 

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,yelled

"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

 

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,assumed

the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

 

And; last, but not least:

 

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a

while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

 

Yours sincerely,

 

 

Charles Brown

Store Manager

[ciderman22]

 

That gives me an idea

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

intervals.

Edited February 20, 2007 by ciderman22

[Rikard]

Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a

while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

 

[FbF 656]

 

 

 

Dear Mrs. Murray,

 

 

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine

products aisle.

 

 

 

 

hahahahahahah classic. banbury is my local tesco !

[calum]

[martwisely]

 

as an employee of tesco at this moment i have " No comment"

Edited February 20, 2007 by martwisely

[walker]

 

as an employee of tesco at this moment i have " No comment"

 

And since I aint a fan of tesco and think there s**t all I can say is I aint surprised

 

[hotrod331]

lmao epic

[martwisely]

A man goes in to Tesco for a sandwich one day to find his wife with

another man walking around doing some shopping. He leaves and goes

back to work enraged at what he saw. He decides not confront his wife

but to keep going back to Tesco to see if this is a regular thing. To

his dismay he finds that it is, and that it happens every Friday

lunchtime. The man keeps quiet for a couple of months going to Tesco

every Friday lunchtime in order to follow the unknown man and his wife

around the shop.

 

The man can take no more and begins drinking in his local every chance

he gets. One evening he is telling a man at the bar about his dilemma

and asks him what he should do. The man replies that he knows someone

who would do them both over and will arrange a meeting if he wants. A

meeting is arranged for the following evening in the pub.

 

The man is introduced to a huge bloke called Arti. He tells him the

story and Arti says that he will do them over together in Tesco. The

man asks about a fee and Arti tells him that he loves to kill people

and will accept a token fee of a pound. The deal is done and the place

is set to Tesco on Friday lunchtime.

 

Arti awaits their arrival and follows them around the shop for a while

and then pounces on them, strangling them both with his bare hands. As

Arti runs out of the shop two security guards tackle him to the ground

and wait for the police. He is caught and tried for murder and found

guilty. The headline in the paper the next day read:

 

ARTI CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT TESCO

 

 

 

[xTx]

 

 

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,yelled

"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

 

And; last, but not least:

 

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a

while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."