splinter Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 (edited) A helpful printout - (Just saves some time explaining to the missus) CUT OUT, PRINT OFF, AND PLACE IN FRONT OF TELEVISION ! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear (insert female partners name here) 1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention. 2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye). 3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month. 4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it won't happen. 5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day. 6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because England is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce. 7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "Spend time together". 8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times. 9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because: a) I will not go, b) I will not go, and c) I will not go. 10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash. 11. The daily World Cup highlights shown on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list". 12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc. Thank you for your cooperation. Regards, (please insert signature here) Edited May 5, 2006 by splinter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rikard Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 nice one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterbreg364 Posted May 7, 2006 Report Share Posted May 7, 2006 and all that for only 3 games england have to play Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kruiz 136 Posted May 7, 2006 Report Share Posted May 7, 2006 (edited) and all that for only 3 games england have to play Please refer to the first 7 words of rule 1 as this is how long we will be in the world cup. Edited May 7, 2006 by Kruiz 136 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cod120 Posted May 8, 2006 Report Share Posted May 8, 2006 and all that for only 3 games england have to play Please refer to the first 7 words of rule 1 as this is how long we will be in the world cup. have the england team secured the deal to be ball boys when they exit the tournament then?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Trash Posted May 8, 2006 Report Share Posted May 8, 2006 and all that for only 3 games england have to play Please refer to the first 7 words of rule 1 as this is how long we will be in the world cup. have the england team secured the deal to be ball boys when they exit the tournament then?? There's an old saying Cod....you gotta be in it to win it!! What's your excuse?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemesis239 Posted May 8, 2006 Report Share Posted May 8, 2006 There's an old saying Cod....you gotta be in it to win it!! What's your excuse?! Spoken like a true Englishman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cod120 Posted May 8, 2006 Report Share Posted May 8, 2006 and all that for only 3 games england have to play Please refer to the first 7 words of rule 1 as this is how long we will be in the world cup. have the england team secured the deal to be ball boys when they exit the tournament then?? There's an old saying Cod....you gotta be in it to win it!! What's your excuse?! ermmmm how do you excuse a team thats _ _ _ _ _ add what you want lol mines begins with S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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