You can only wish you were this good!!
28 things you didn't know about the Hoff-
1. David Hasselhoff once walked down the street with a massive
erection. There were no survivors.
2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures
David Hasselhoff allows to live.
3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap!
That's David Hasselhoff!" Then she had had sex with him. At that
point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the
syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David
Hasselhoff could use to kill you, including the room itself.
7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time
Satan borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay
him back.
8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.
9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie the fu*k down.
10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't
get wet. The water gets David instead. David Hasselhoff is the
only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guiness Book of World
Records it notes that all world records are held by David
Hasselhoff, and those listed in the book are simply the closest
anyone has ever come to matching him.
13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses
to put up with lactose's s*it.
14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.
15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.
16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying
glass. At night.
17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoffs diet
consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even
touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in
between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat
itself out of fear.
19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded
gun and won.
20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar,
a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep
the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied
because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the
seriousness of his response.
21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky
child to be thrown into the sun.
22. David Hasselhoff doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead,
he sticks his *enis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while
having sex with another.
23. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself
up, he's pushing the Earth down.
24. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it
in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as
an inferno erupts behind him.
25. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the
entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise
invented pink.
26. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse"
after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
27. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.
28. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force
meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David
Hasselhoff punched himself in the face.
